A few thoughts...(...more like a thousand!)

On any other evening, I would prefer to have an idea of what I'd like to discuss and if I really want to be proactive - determine the intended message from posting a blog entry. 

My 'usual' self, under normal circumstances, would at least have a beginning, middle, and end. 

However...

This December night, as well as the day, exuded something in the air. This entire day and evening was, by all means, anything but normal for me. 

1. I am in the process of finalizing my last week of working full-time - - a place I have been spending at least 40 hours of each week, in the past 2+ years of my life. Not only did I gain valuable professional experience (and academic), this place has been what I have familiarized myself with in the past 2 years! 

Needless to say, #1 is scary - - especially when one does not have another full-time paying position lined up. 

2. My sleeping routine? Shit. (I find myself justifying my erratic patterns of sleep by telling myself I'm buying more time to finish packing or more time to spend with my loved ones)...

3. Everywhere I go...any thought that crosses my mind usually sounds something like this in my head 'Well, just in case this is the last time I - - - - I better fully appreciate the crap out of it' - - this applies to people, places, and things. 

4. I have always shopped for clothes based on style, fit, and necessity according to price. Now? 

It is solely based on fabric material, weight (wool as opposed to nylon - - wool is heavier), and practicality. 

I never thought it would be so challenging to pack light for winters.

(I plan on posting my travel pack list soon for anyone who may want to travel during Winter)

So again, tonight is just not typical for me - - especially when comparing to the past 27 years of my life. I really don't have a purpose with tonight's blog entry. 

With only 5 days left to spend in my home country, I find myself even more grateful for this 'prelude' segment of my upcoming expedition. It has already taught me to truly live each day as if it is your last by telling the ones you care - - because you really f'ing care, putting 100% into everything you do - - especially if it means a lot to you, and always re-create your world because it's yours to mold/shape/make-happen. 

I honestly don't think anyone has to be leaving the country for however long...or be cursed with a limited amount of time left to be alive...to embrace every. little. moment (every and all). 

Bedtime. 

xoxo,

cathy

A Prelude...

'Tis the season,

to carefully snip,

red and green papers,

or santa-themed,

papers..

take up Scotch,

tape, that is..

Make it anonymous,

Cider fizzz...

For one second,

or even three,

Don't think this cathytrails,

is going to flee,

For she is busy,

too, about a week

unfortunately, not two 

left to savor this holiday,

with you, and you and you...

She's making a list, 

checking it thrice,

Making sure she shares,

her love for those she cares,

Preparing for the third,

Of January, if you haven't heard

But knows either way,

It will be

Quite all right. 

Laser-like Focus on another Jeudi Soir.

Every now and then,

I Google 'Best movie soundtracks of the year...' or something like that..

Get my jam on..

House pants 

check. 

Up goes the hair,

Pony tail on,

200 cigarettes,

"Save it for later", 

Puts me into the state,

'Good eye might', 

the sound of an Aussie,

a night, instead of dark,

full of light;

You gettin' bossy..

He asked, yes

with my dreams,

my life,

she said,

only me

for no one I allow,

but my own boss. 

Always

Un Coca,

the French says. 

Focus, focus, focus.

I have always wondered how the most influential, inspirational, and well-known figures of all time deal with focus.

Gandhi; as dire as some situations may have been, how did he continue to pick himself right back up and eventually became the change he wanted to see in this world?

Albert Einstein...a man that lived the majority of his life being ridiculed for his outworldly ideas and theories end up tackling the criticism and shattering the realm of mathematics...science...overall, the way we understand how the world works?

I can guarantee that the people you look up to, family members, friends, and role models, experience day(s) when he/she/they are susceptible to feeling discouraged..

Today..

I find myself pondering what Einstein, Ghandi, or even Jillian Michaels might say to this question, 'What is the one piece of advice you would share regarding persistence, drive, and moving forward?'

For those of you who know me quite well...I have always encouraged daily positive thinking as well as the positive correlation that exists between thoughts and behaviors. However, today I felt as if I have exhausted myself planning everything down to the wire - - hoping and hoping to feel 100% prepared...

If I am aiming for some type of confirmation email to say:

"Dear Cathy,

Thank you for meeting all of the requirements for your dream of long-term You have fulfilled this area of preparation and need not to worry anymore. Good job!

Respectfully yours,

Mysterious email sent from the Universe"


Then I'm just setting myself up for dissappointment.


Perhaps I need to take my own advice and trust that whatever situation I am in, I can worry about it then. If I have done everything in my power to prepare for something like this (i.e. packing, budgets, medical, transportation, purpose) and I continue on that path - then what I am afraid of?

The possibility of failing and as a result, learning a new way to do things? Getting pick-pocketed in a foreign country and taking a slight detour from my original "itinerary"? Either way, I find myself a bit more susceptible to thoughts of self-doubt as my time continues to move forward - - inching its way to my departure date.

Have I missed anything in my to-do list? Am I crazy for doing something like this? It's a huge deal!! Some say I am crazy for taking on such a risky challenge. But you know what?

At the end of my day, I simply ask myself the following question:

'Would I regret it if I never gave it at least one shot?' 

Since the answer was yes...I am back to where I need to be; a place where hope, joy, and die-hard dedication works together to maintain

The Focus.

(Thank you for those who continue to keep me motivated ~ you know who you are)

I volunteered to deliver a speech, approximately 4-7 minutes.  regarding...well, anything. This is scheduled for Wednesday Decemeber 7th.

By the way, I am currently typing up this blog on my itty-bitty netbook; a mini laptop. Guitar lesson  memories start to surface as my hands struggle to avoid the over-sensitive mouse pad, constantly bringing me back to random areas in this blog. If I as much as skim that last guitar string with my pinky, it sounds like shit.

The year 2011, I decided to avoid the hustle and bustle of a traditional Black Friday. Being barely 5'0, waiting in a crowd full of much taller people and not able to see over people, I went for the Cyber Monday deals instead. Bought myself a travel size netbook and essentially breaking it in right now. I really hope I get used to typing on an ASUS 10", 2.6 lb computer..

On any given day, if I heard this correctly, humans think...a lot. Supposedly, we have about 3,000 thoughts running through our heads. With barely a month left here in America, it seems like I have about 1,000, 000 thoughts sprinting around while I frantically jot down must-do memos in my little black book. Here's a little preview of a solo female traveler's mind one month before departing:

What are the essentials to pack on a trip like this? Winter; must pack light, warm, and very multi-functional. I find myself researching the types of fabrics that are best for certain seasons. Hiking boots in a tiny 60L Osprey Backpack? Forget it; they're too bulky. How do I plan to stay in touch with everybody while I'm out there; Skype, a UK cell phone, or just Facebook? Makeup; that Urban Decay  12 eyeshadow kit doesn't seem to have its place in my bag. I couldn't find my BA degree few weeks ago...and I still can't. I hope bringing an original Master's degree will do; some say an official copy of the degree is a MUST in Asian countries for teaching positions. All I can do is put in my all and when the time comes, be prepared and adaptable to any changes. Let's hope for the best, eh?

In addition to the fleeting thoughts of what to actually bring on my trip, smoothing out financial obligations, and seeking closure on miscellaneous tasks, I find much clarity amidst the current busy times and upcoming events.

Although my time here in the United States is coming to an end quite shortly..

I continue to use this somewhat bittersweet time,

to fully appreciate each waking and sleeping moment,

that I encounter each second.

Not only is this down to the weeks and days...

I have come to find that life is about making each millisecond as valuable as possible.

No matter what the situation may be,

Each moment is full of potential,

It is solely up to ourselves to let that potential shine,

and transform into reality.

Perhaps that is what I will discuss for speech this Wednesday. Discussion on the endless possibilities in this world that truly begin in the mind.  

Goodnight.